There needs to be a font or emoticons that point at you, or gesticulate in anyway, while you're reading the word, so you can pick up on emphasis or sarcasm or whatever. I can talk at my phone while waving my hand while I'm texting you, but you don't see the splendor of it. It's just words. You have to hear my voice come out of my head, to know what I'm saying. Like voice texts. Like the lady who calls from the library to tell you that you suck at returning books on time. That's not what my voice would sound like, but you can tell by her tone, she's pissed! Bring those fuckin book back! Everyone hates that robot lady. She made me glare at all the librarians when I repaid my 90 day overdue fee, which was a staggering 35 cents, like they're the ones who called me, and be like-yeah, thought I'd never bring them back, huh? Now what? I brought them back AND you made money on the deal. I'll never borrow another book or 30 year old VHS tape from here again!
Which is fine, since we have no VCR, and one can only watch Anne of green gables so many times.
I should let Ben sleep on the couch.
My stomach is yelling so loud for wheat thins and easy cheese. I won't give in! Plus, we don't have any easy cheese. This sucks. Being a grown up and smoking isn't as great, because there's a lack of junk food in the house. Like I really want to go chow down on some yogurt or salad right now. I need Cheetos, and Doritos! As long as they're not the one that are mixed with the diarrhea bell ones, because those piss me off. Those taint the flavor(tee hee. Taint) of the entire rest of the Doritos. All the good ones have flecks of taco shit on them. And if you mistake the two, and fully engulf one, instant vomit. I think those chips are what they give to people who ate 75 Xanax in an hour to make them throw up. Or maybe it's a pump. I don't know. It's not important, what's important is the people who make Doritos are assholes with bad ideas.
Ahhh! That fucking font button! I need it! (Finger pointing and contorted face)
I should do something....
Oh! Fuck.
Oh, for real! I should make this a habit. Not the smoking habit, but the habit of typing shit down? I'm not writing, but shouldn't it be typing shit in? That sounds stupid. Typin up shit! If you say it like Dave Chappelle, it totally works. I don't know what it works for, but it's gotta be something. Probably black chicks. Ha, my phone typed an "n" after that, which I thought was funny for reasons I don't remember. Maddie keeps talking to me about I don't know what, and I don't know what she talking about! And I don't even remember what she said that made me think what??? But I wish I did, so I can write it down and remember tomorrow. Another point. Gone.
Why the fuck do we have to use those defective bunson burner lighters in class? Wouldn't a match be less stressful, and give the added bonus of not looking like jag strengthening your grip on an ancient roman apparatus that only sparks when you look at it to see if it works, but hold it over flammable gas, and nada. Look at it, try it, spark! To gas, zippo. I hate chemistry. What fucking idiot actually gave a rats ass about protons? That they studied it and did research about it! It's one of the most boring places on earth. Walt Chemisty Class.
I should probably pick up bens hot wheels, but that's how I know when anyone is awake. When they kick a hot wheel stumbling in the dark. But it's late, they'll be fine. Ironhide's exhaust pipes right in your instep, And you just happened to be hulk stomping? Flesh wound. Get over it. That Russian guy at the beach was creepy. The beach would've have been perfect if I had some gardettos with me.
One more cigarette and I'm going to bed. You heard it here first!
I'm a little apprehensive about my ecigarette. I don't want anyone to ever see me with it, because it looks like that stupid thing hipsters and weird 60 year old men with pinkie rings smoke. And if they can come with vapor cigarettes, why haven't they come up with vapor weed, yet? No smoke, no coughing, no closets that smell like terrariums. It would be a hit! I guess it would have to be legal, first. And why shouldn't it be. It makes you too lazy to get into trouble. The only person I would fight right now is Rachel Maddow, and even then. I'd just kick her in the dick and run. Or walk slowly. Either way, that bitch is crazy.
Stupid crickets. They should look less like spiders. And not skulk about. What is even the point of a cricket. What do they do? Just hop? Do they contribute to society in any meaningful way? They must. The ant and the grasshopper. But it's a cricket.
Seriously, to bed right after this smoke. It's late. But I don't have to wake up at 6. This is good.
