Why in the hell do people take professional portraits with their pets?? I can understand if it's a family with 6 kids, and the dog is included. It's the family dog. But like, a single person, and their pet? That's a straight up advertisement about how you're perfectly content with nothing but your chihuahua. Or gerbil. Whatever. If you're single, why would you schedule a photo session for just you? So you can have yearly documentation of how you've aged? Then they just believe they're young, and in turn inspire the entire advertising of just for men. Tom Thibodeau looks like the goblin banker in Harry potter. That's the Bulls coach, just in case you suck by not being from
Chicago. Anyway. Professional portraits are glamour shots for ugly people who can't be glamorized. Not everyone can pull off a peacock boa. Glamour shots at least did your makeup. Whoever does these portraits I speak of, is living in their great aunts basement. They have two different backgrounds to choose from. And an awesome Mac computer, with photoshop version .001.
And really, the only acceptable pet to have your picture taken with if you're single, is a dog. If you're blind, you should have your dog in the picture. How else would you know where to look?
You can't take a picture with a cat. Cats are assholes. They will find someway to ruin the pic. Unless you're in Cosby sweater and trying to make a disenchanted like face. Then it's ruined before the camera even has film. People take pictures with their lizards. For fucks sake. A lizard? A snake? Well, ok, a snake could be ok. If you're making a poster for you're circus performance. And you're wearing a leopard print thong unitard. Then a snake is ok. Maybe the worst are with birds. Fuck birds. ALL birds are assholes. Either because they're stupid or they're just fucking assholes. We had birds. Two cockatiels. One was nice, and obviously mildly retarded. The other was a dick. He sucked. Of course, the dog had to kill the nice bird. Probably because it was like-hey, buddy. You wanna play fetch with me? Cool.
Anyway birds are gross. And they have lice. Which make me remember...we had some barn swallows make a nest by the front door. It was so cute. They had babies. Awww. Then the bucket loads of bird shit came, and I thought, hmmmm. Gross. Then I noticed all these super tiny moving dots on the storm door. Weird bugs, I thought. Then I decided to clean the storm door, and I itched and felt my skin crawling for the rest of the day. If I were an albino, it would've been obvious. But I have lots of chocolate spots, so it provides good camouflage. J had the same thing happen, and then we figured it out. Mother fucking bird lice. The internet basically told us to burn our house down. But it turns out, that's only if you own a shit ton of birds.
