Fantasy football makes me angry, and I don't even have the power to go and grab Pierre Thomas' face mask, and tell him he is an under achieving piece of shit. He should be paying me a salary, cuz every time I leave him on the bench, to teach them a lesson, he becomes a fright train that mows down defenseman like they were a bunch of plastic Santa Claus lawn ornaments.
It's a stupid game. No one should ever play it. Not tackling lawn ornaments, I mean fantasy football. Tackling lawn ornaments sounds kinda fun. Up until the moment you lunge for the concrete lion that's held in place by a 5 foot deep post engulfed in cement. That would not be fun. Funny, if it was someone else; but fuck you guys for laughing, if it's me.
Lawn ornaments. They really are ludicrous. I can kinda get the Christmas ones, but only one winter of being pelted with blowing snow and ice, and Santa looks like he could use some Botox. Buy a new one. Don't store that shit. But really, the gnomes, and the geese in raincoats, and the Disney characters??? Come on. A-it makes you look like an asshole. And B-you're practically begging me to kick it over. Who doesn't want to kick a gnome in the face?! Or a goose? Especially if it's dressed in a Santa coat and beard, because that just makes you let your guard down. Then BAM! It's still a pissy, bacteria infested goose! It'll chase you and bite your ankles, and you'll be like-Santa Goose, stop! I love you! But it doesn't care, because it's a goose. Then you want to kick it in the face, but if you kick a real goose, even if it's wearing clothes, you're an animal abuser. So it's soooo much better to kick a plastic one! Hmmm. I've changed my position on lawn ornaments. There should be at least 10 in every yard across the country! At least just in my neighborhood. I'd like to kick one, tomorrow.
I just turned on Batman: the Movie. Adam west batman. It's so wonderfully awful. I watched Batman everyday with my dad when I was little. I LOVED it! I was so in love with Adam west. Every time me and Amy would play house, I was married to batman. She always had to be married to robin. Sometimes she would say it was her turn to be married to batman, then we'd fight. I hope she forgives me for this. I'm realizing, right at this moment, what a colossal turd Robin is. Probably a horrible husband. The Joker is creeping me the fuck out. It's the cheap poorly done makeup. You can see his mustache under the white makeup. I am personally loving how every singe gadget and machine in the bat cave is labeled. "Magnifying lense" over a giant, gasp, magnifying lense. Are they trying to teach people to read? I don't trust guys who don't know what their own equipment does. Nooooope.
I had to turn it off. Now I'm going to watch Eddie Murphy raw. Eventually.
First, I must tell you, my life saving friend M(that's not her name, but you know, secret identity. Even though I'm pretty sure I mentioned my kids by name...by fake name? Yep), anyway, she ran a mini marathon. I'm immensely proud of her. I envy her perseverance. We met her at mile 11, to run the end with her. I made it a mile. Fuck the wind, fuck the cold, fuck my knees, I'm out. She had just run 12 miles, and I'm calling for the medic after 1. So, fuck running. M is the shit! That was tough stuff.
Damn. Eddie Murphy's outfit is just silly. I thought it was animal print. But it's paisley swirlys. With a scarf.
He just reminded me of a point. Flamboyant gay men, I mean ascot and eyebrow pencil using flamboyant, and black women talk the same way. The flamboyant gay is mimicking black women. If a white woman talked that way, someone would call an ambulance. People would think that she was having a stroke. So my conclusion is, flamboyant gay
Men want to be black women. Amazing.
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